“Demon Hunters and Other Problems” – Part III

Monday, Monday… That tune already playing in your head? It’s now playing in mine, replacing that awful “Supergirl” remix. I’m not a regular radio listener, but this past weekend, I heard that song five times – and it’s only on no. 20 in the singles charts! However, in my dream last night, I heard “Désenchantée” (the Kate Ryan version). Whatever my brain is trying to tell me with that.

Anyway, I’ve come to like Eliot, the black cat, so I contiuned to story that I started two weeks ago. Enjoy!

Demon Hunters and Other Problems – Part III

“And where were you all night?” Mommy sounded angry. I had tried to avoid any sound when I sneaked into our apartment way past the official curfew. Let’s just say Oliver had a few more ideas than I expected—and good ideas at that.

“You know I had a date,” I said casually as I walked past Mommy who was standing in the kitchen. Her axe was still red of the demon’s blood, but at least nothing was dripping onto the carpet. Not that we would have noticed—the carpet had already taken on a color that was beyond identifiable, thanks to the amount of demon blood it had absorbed over time.

“And since when do your dates last until two in the morning?” Ouch. She had a point, of course, but did she have to make it so boldly? I have feelings too, you know…

I sat down on my hind legs and looked up at Mommy, trying to pout. “Well, thank you for your wholehearted support for my private life…”

Mommy sighed and sat down on her chair, patting her lap so I would jump up. I obliged, noting that it was becoming more ever more exhausting to do standing jumps, and hoping that Mommy didn’t notice my heavy breathing.

“Rough night?” I enquired as I made myself comfortable on her blue jeans.

“That’s a nice way to put things…” She scratched me between my ears. I loved it when she did that. although I had also liked Oliver’s way of doing it—but I’m digressing.

“You killed the demon and didn’t get killed yourself. What more could you ask for?” I mumbled as I enjoyed the movement of her fingers.

Mommy laughed sarcastically. “Yeah, I did it. Only I didn’t.”

I opened my eyes and looked up.

“There’s a new demon hunter in town. A man!” She spat out the last word.

The news was so shocking, I almost fell from Mommy’s lap. Only her quick hand kept me where I was. A man? A man who hunted demons? Who even managed to kill demons? How was that even possible?

“I thought it was a strictly female heritage?” I managed to say as I continued to stare at Mommy.

“Well…”

Of course she hadn’t told me everything. Why did I even expect that she had? From what I’ve heard, cat owners tend to tell their cats everything. Like “every single thing, no matter how boring and unimportant”. In fact, even my co-workers tended to do just that: “Did you see Judy’s new dress?” “God, Mr. Petersen is such a jerk!” “I can’t believe United Motors changed their CEO again…” Mommy was different. I knew her favorite songs, but I had no idea what exactly she liked about them. I had met her various boyfriends—of course—but she had never discussed the particularities of her relationships with me. To be honest, I was glad she hadn’t.

“Thing is, 99.9% of all demon hunters are female and the 0.1% that remain are crappy demon hunters. You know: see a Flame Mare and think it suffices to freeze them with liquid nitrogen or whatever, when every good demon hunter knows the classic rules of elementary magic do not work when it comes to demons.” She shrugged. Like I said, I’m no expert at magic, but even I knew how to deal with Flame Mares, should I ever come across one. “But this guy tonight—he really knew what he was doing! I was about to rip out that demon’s heart and then he stepped in, said ‘Boo!’ and—dang—the demon was history and he had won!”

“The demon dies when you say ‘Boo’?” I was confused.

“If his heart is already weak, then, yes, of course. It’s just like with old people…”

I considered this for a moment. “But in that case, you jointly killed that thing. I mean, without your work on the heart, his ‘Boo’ wouldn’t have done anything.”

Mommy laughed angrily. “How does that make things better?! He’s a man, for God’s sake, he’s not supposed to hunt demons or help me kill them! I don’t need anybody’s freaking help!!” She threw up her arms.

She was right. Mommy didn’t need anybody. Although she never talked to me about her relationships, I had long figured out that this was the one thing that drove all of her boyfriends away: her being so totally independent. She didn’t need their money, she had no interest in their cars and yacht clubs, she didn’t need their parties or famous friends. She had money, friends and fame. I envied her a little. Sometimes. Mostly when a customer didn’t like my new campaign slogan because it “didn’t appeal to millennials enough” or something.

I tried to caress Mommy with my tail, but unlike other times when this had resulted in her caressing me, this time she just shook her head. “Sorry, Eliot. I think I just need to sleep…”

I sighed and jumped off her lap. As I watched her make her way to her bedroom, I hoped the new hunter would soon leave the city again. There were tales out there about two demon hunters clashing and none of them was pretty. Not that I had any doubt that Mommy would come out victorious from such a battle, but I’d rather spare New York City the experience. Or rather, Oliver.

Before I hopped into bed myself, I dispatched five messages to him, unsure how many emoji I could safely use to still be considered “dateable”.

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