WordPlay #2.3: “Technical Difficulties”

So! I can’t always write reviews on here (although I have plans for many more – Arrow season 1, for example). BUT! A new WordPlay is loooooong overdue. So long in fact that I’m skipping ahead (last one I posted was #10).

Nika Harper recently started season 2, now outside the Geek & Sundry network, which makes it kind of awkward to post responses to her challenges over on their forum. There is a WordPlay group over at scribophile.com, if you’d like to join us. But since my response this time is slightly lengthy, I’ll post it here!

This time, Nika challenged us to write a monologue with the prompts “once more with feeling” and “guilt”. Enjoy!

Technical Difficulties

Oh! You gods up in the sky, looking down on me, judging me, betraying me! What have you done! Laughing with contempt at my vain trying to fix this problem! Erh…

Well, you never existed anyway now, did you? Stupid gods, invented by human beings afraid they wouldn’t get invited to the next birthday party… But I digress. I know, I know, I should take this whole problem more seriously, but I can’t! I don’t care whether I messed up! I really don’t!

Right, you don’t believe me. Should have known that. Because you never believe anyone, maybe not even yourself. Okay, I can live with that. I need assistants who do their work, I don’t need them to believe me. Although I guess it’s all kind of the same thing.

Hey! Don’t grunt! I’m talking to you here! Okay, so where was I? Right, that “problem”. You see, it’s not really a problem. It’s a problem if you believe that there should only ever be one edition of every planet in the universe. But who invented that stupid principle anyway? And don’t say “God” or “the gods”, I already told you I don’t believe in that stuff.

Okay, so, now we’ve got two versions of Earth. Okay, maybe more. Like twenty or something. But that’s okay. We can deal with that. They don’t have to know of each other. They can perfectly well coexist. Isn’t that what you’re always preaching? Peaceful coexistence? And now you’re lucky, you can prove once and for all that that’s possible! Isn’t that exciting?

Why aren’t you excited about this, huh? Oh right, because it’s “work”. And you hate work, more than anything in this entire universe. Which is pretty amazing, given the creepy creatures living on the outer bounds… Yes, I know, digression. What I’m trying to say: you always wanted to be special. Amazing. Recognized. And now that you got the chance you just grunt and turn around in your bed another time. Well, so to speak. Hey, you lazy mess! Get up! Do something!

What do you mean it’s my duty to do something? None of this was my fault! Okay, so maybe I fell asleep during working hours. Okay. And maybe, just maybe, I pressed a button or two in my sleep. But that’s really no proof that it was all my fault. Things happen! Remember “Once more with feeling”? It wasn’t Dawn, it was—

Alright, fine, no “Buffy” reference! Gee, why did I hire you in the first place? I thought you were good at your job! An honest worker! And now all you ever do is lie on your sofa – no, wait, my sofa! Do you know how old that thing is?! Marie Antoinette has been sitting on it!

What’s that weird expression on your face? You know who Marie Antoinette is, right? Right? Hello? French queen who was decapitated in the French Revolution? What do you mean, “Spoilers”?! That’s a historic fact! “Not in my history book”?! What the—

Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no. Okay, when exactly did I hire you? A month ago, right? Okay, okay, month ago, erh… Who’s the president of the United States? Oh, you don’t have a president? A king, ah, nice. I mean, no, not nice! No, no, no, it’s all wrong! Where did you live before I hired you? “Nieuw Amsterdam”?! That’s called “New York”, you stupid—

Oh no. What have I done? The other editions of the Earth. They’re all wrong. They’re not what they’re supposed to be. Someone, please, you have to help me! I messed up! This wasn’t supposed to happen! I swear!

It’s my fault.

Hey gods – maybe you do exist after all? Hello?

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