WordPlay #4: “All That Glitters”

A new week, a new WordPlay! (yes, still working on that Downton review…) This time, it’s all about dialogues! And when I say “all”, I mean “all”, because that was Nika’s challenge: write a dialogue without indicating who’s speaking. The prompts were “starlight” and “an acoustic guitar”. I initially posted my response on the Geek & Sundry forums, but expanded it for this blog post. Enjoy!

All That Glitters

“There’s no way you’re gonna enter the stage with that thing!”

“Why not?”

“Because we’re not a stupid hippie band! STARLIGHT is the new sensation in glam rock – and no glam rocker ever has played an acoustic guitar!”

“Okay, first of all: that’s not true. Queen is considered a glam rock band and they had acoustic guitars on sta–”

“We’re not Queen, we’re STARLIGHT!”

“Maybe so, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have acoustic guitars. And this one looks so much better than any of the electric ones you’ve shown me today. It shimmers! It’s glam! Don’t you see that?”

“I do. And I don’t care. We’re glam rock with an emphasis on rock. You can’t play rock with an acoustic guitar, the same way you can’t paint a picture with a banana. So put that horrible thing down and get yourself a proper instrument!”

“Forget it.”

“What?”

“I auditioned for this band with my acoustic guitar, I was accepted with my acoustic guitar and I’m going on stage with my acoustic guitar. If you have a problem with that, you better start looking for a new guitar player right away.”

“Our concert starts in fifteen minutes! How am I supposed to find a new guitar player in that short a time?”

“That, my dear, is your problem – not mine.”

“There are twenty people out there who paid to see us play! You can’t quit now!”

“Oh, I can. It’s your band, in case you forgot. And it’s your choice: me with my acoustic guitar. Or no guitar player at all. Decide for yourself which one will sound better.”

“You’re threatening me. We haven’t even released our first single yet and you’re already threatening me!”

“Many famous bands have started out that way.”

“But not STARLIGHT! I won’t sing in a band that changes its guitar player for every recording! My band’s gonna stay the same forever!”

“Just like Queen…”

“What was that?”

“Oh, nothing. Just tell me one thing: why did you decide to take me if you didn’t like my acoustic guitar?”

“Well, as far as I know, every decent guitar player out there has more than one instrument at home. And naturally I assumed that you would have at least one Fender at your place!”

“My acoustic guitar is a Fender!”

“I meant a Strat. Or a Tele, at least. E. Lec. Tric! Something that makes noise when you go out on stage! That drowns out the roar of our fans!”

“Yeah, that will be really hard with twenty people…”

“This might be our first gig and it might only be twenty people, but we have to make an impression! And acoustic guitars impress no one! You hear me? No one!”

“You know what? You just don’t get it. Glam rock isn’t a particular sound – it’s an attitude! To shine against all odds, and to stand up against the mainstream and what the mainstream considers proper rock ‘n’ roll. My acoustic guitar can do that. An ordinary electric guitar won’t. Let me show you. I promise we’ll become stars.”

“What in God’s name are you still doing here?! Get out on the stage, the audience is waiting! Hurry up!”

“You got one chance to impress me. And one only.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t need more.”

***

“That was aces! Did you see the crowd? They were clapping the whole time!”

“It was twenty people, no need to get over-excited…”

“He’s right, there’s a lot of hard work ahead of us. You dropped the beat five times. Five! What kind of amateur drummer does that?”

“Woah, stop, wait a second! Is the acoustic guitar player in this room really trying to educate me about rhythm? That was an improv part, man, improv!”

“Improv my ass! You just stumbled! A plain and simple fuck up.”

“I didn’t fuck up! You did! The sound of your stupid guitar was so thin, you could have gone off stage and no one would’ve noticed.”

“It was only thin because you had to use all your force on your stupid drums! We’re STARLIGHT, not JOE THE DRUMMER AND THE TWO OTHER GUYS.”

“Oi, sweethearts, could you please lower your voices a bit? I’m exhausted…”

“Hey, you told me before the concert we were a band. A team. And now you won’t discuss what kind of concert we just played? We’ll never make it past twenty people in the audience if we don’t assess–”

“Yes, but not now. I’m tired.”

“Tired? Oh come on, you can’t be tired! There are groupies waiting outside and they’re not waiting for you to go to sleep. Well, maybe eventually, but first–”

“Tell them I’m not interested. Plus I have a sore throat after trying to sing louder than your bloody drums.”

“Ha! You noticed it as well!”

“Please, stop yelling… I have a headache.”

“Man, you two suck. Just really, really suck. I’m gonna go see the groupies.”

“Seems like we’re gonna need a new drummer…”

“Can we discuss that tomorrow?”

“Want some aspirin?”

“I want a band that sticks together and doesn’t leave the stage arguing about some minor mistakes no one noticed. And you’re still on probation, so stop being so pretentious.”

“I’m not–”

“Go, I need sleep. And quiet.”

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